I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
