dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
