I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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