Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
