I skipped work to stalk him.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
