no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
