So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if only i could text you this smell
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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