sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
