I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
