it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
