As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
