I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
