we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We need to get me chipped asap
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
