Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
