bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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