Non-Jews are for practice
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
