If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
