ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
