I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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