And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
