I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
