Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
