I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
