someone owes me an orgasm
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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