I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
