don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
