K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
