you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
