oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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