I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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