i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
And the cops told us we were all naked.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
