Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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