He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
