It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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