Got a toothbrush?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
