i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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