shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i think i have two assholes
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
