I think im going to throw up on grandma
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
