so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
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We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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