Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
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those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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