i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
