Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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