there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
