Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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