living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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