I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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