When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
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It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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