she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
