She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
