He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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