i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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