every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
