good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
