why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
