shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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