Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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