You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
At least life still wants to fuck me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
