mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She's JV to your varsity
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
