Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
