I could have mohawked her pubes.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
