dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
