I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
