I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
