the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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