he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
