well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
