Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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